Bullying Doesn’t Stop When You Grow up

Bullying Doesn’t Stop When You Grow Up

Most of us have witnessed or experienced bullying at some point in our adult lives and we know it isn’t pleasant, but when we talk about bullying, most of us immediately think about our schooldays.

So, What happens when that school bully grows up?
Do they change or do they carry on bullying?
Who do they target?
Why do they need to bully anyone at all?
Why do we let them get away with it?

The bully you know could be:

in your family:
someone you grew up with – brother, sister, father, mother,
someone you go out with or are married to
someone related to your partner
someone who married into your family

a neighbour
a ‘friend’
a friend’s partner
a colleague
your boss
someone you encountered by chance – on a train or in a coffee shop

For some of us one of the biggest feats is recognising that we are being bullied at all. Bullies are very good at making us feel that we are in the wrong – and people can suffer for years before they begin to understand where the problem really lies.

Consider these questions:
(Adapted from ‘Stop Walking on Eggshells’ – Paul Mason/Randi Kreger – New Harbinger Publications Inc -California 1998)

Do you find yourself hiding how you think or feel because you are afraid of the other person’s reaction?

Are you blamed and criticized for everything that goes wrong – even when it makes no logical sense?

Are you the focus of intense and irrational rages – alternating with periods when the other person is normal and loving?

Is the person always denigrating or denying your point of view?

Do you feel that their expectations of you are constantly changing, so you can never do anything right?
Do you feel that it is impossible to address any of these issues with the person because:
they won’t accept that anything they’ve done needs discussing?
they deny they’ve done anything?
as soon as you begin to speak about it, the the conversation turns into a catalogue of your faults, none of which stand up to scrutiny?

Do you fear that if you approached anybody about it, nobody would believe you because the person is so charming and helpful to everyone else?

Do you feel that you have no support and have to face the bully by yourself?

There are no quick-fixes when you are being bullied, but understanding your own emotional and physical responses can help you to recognise the dynamics of a relationship and allow you to make more effective decisions and choices.

Nayna Kumari
28th March 2016

If you need somebody to talk to or would like to book a place on the Adult Bullying Introductory Workshop please contact Nayna:

01297 444 561

Workshop Information – At a Glance:

Adult Bullying

Saturday, 23rd April 2016
10.30am – 4.00 pm

This Introductory Workshop will cover:

How you feel when you are being bullied

Why you can’t reply as you would like

Why you feel upset long after an incident is over– almost as if it is still happening

Why those around you may not seem to notice or care

How bullies choose their targets

When someone is trying to target you

What you can do to deter them

Why some people bully

The dynamics of your bullying relationship

How you can make yourself feel stronger

Responses that work.

The Royal lion Hotel Book in Advance
Broad Street (Twelve Places Max)
Lyme Regis
Dorset 01297 444 561
DT7 3AL £95.00

Workshop Information – In Depth:

Adult Bullying
Saturday, 23rd April 2016
10.30am – 4.00 pm

In this Introductory Workshop my idea is to give an overview of the theories and issues around bullying – which can then be picked up and explored in greater depth in later workshops.

I will outline the physiological responses to prolonged bullying and how they conspire to keep you locked into old responses even though since then you have learnt better techniques to deal with it.

There are two approaches to ridding yourself of a bully:

1. Don’t let them get their teeth into you in the first place – which means learning how to spot when
somebody is targeting you and knowing how to sidestep them.

2. To slowly extricate yourself from an existing bullying relationship. This is a painstaking process
as it needs to be unpicked carefully, bearing in mind the person who is bullying you will have a
vested interest in keeping things exactly the way they are.

Any relationship is a dynamic and the first step in changing a dynamic is to understand the part
we each play in it – even if it feels like a non-existent part.

It can be helpful to understand what is driving the behaviour of the bully you know.If you
know what you are trying to achieve, you are more likely to get there.

In this workshop, we will be looking at:

The dynamics of the bullying relationship
How it affects you
The role of bystanders
How to spot when you are being targeted by a bully
Four reasons why people might bully
Exercises to help you feel stronger
Strategies to help you feel more in control.
When to negotiate and when to walk away

There will be time to share and explore responses which work and those which don’t.

Adult Bullying – Introductory Workshop
Saturday, 23rd April 2016 – 10.30am – 4.00 pm

The Royal lion Hotel
Broad Street, Lyme Regis

To book one of the twelve places please contact Nayna:
01297 444 561

The cost for the day is £95.00 – not including lunch.