The Enemy Within

May 22, 2022 | Thoughts from the therapy room | 0 comments

The Enemy Within

This blog post was first published by Women Empowered in their blog post GRIT.

For their edited version please click here

For the original – please read on:

We’ve got a bully in our family,
The overbearing sort.
The type that looks you up and down
And says something evil for sport.
I don’t believe he knows or cares
What happens when he comes into a room.
Backs straighten, smiles fade…
There descends an air of gloom.

I used to think the bully in our family
Was intelligent and strong.
But as I grew and gained more skills,
It was obvious I was wrong.
He certainly has his talents
But whenever he makes a mistake
Changes the truth and with explosive rage
It’s me he tries to forsake.

When there’s a bully in the family
Your primary emotion is fear
You learn to hold your muscles tight
Ready and braced for the next sneer.
It doesn’t matter what you do
You’ll never get it right
Any word, any deed, even a sigh
Is fuel for the next strike.

We’ve got a bully in our family
And his is the only voice you hear.
Loud, abrasive, arrogant tone
Forever in your ear.
He lays into you with pure enjoyment
Through expression stern and grim
I wonder what would happen
If he turned that eagle eye on him.

The bully in our family
Has devoted his entire life
To telling me – and everyone else
That I’m the cause of his strife.
But I’ve realized something lately,
And it’s taken far too long to see,
I haven’t got to watch my step
Because the problem isn’t me.

We’ve got a bully in our family
And fury courses through my veins
No matter what distance I keep
The unpleasant legacy remains.
The pain of unprovoked attack
Surges beneath my skin
I can never leave him far behind
Because the enemy now lies within.

We’ve got a bully in our family
And I find it’s a full time job
Hunting for the girl I might have been
And for the goodness he’s tried to rob.
But while I’ve been busy growing
He has stayed exactly the same
Well, how can anyone learn
When all they do is blame?

The bully in our family
For a while was not so strong.
Whenever he had a go at me
I’d tell him he was wrong.
He became a rather tragic soul
Who didn’t know what to say
I saw why he behaves like this
He’s too fragile to be any other way.

But the bully in our family
Has bought the strength he needs
Giving friends and family members
A vested interest in his deeds.
Dousing himself in rosy hues
Pretence has won the day
So I find my only option now
Is to stand tall and walk away.

Nayna Kumari (C)